On loving and being loved

“Loving God does not make us good. God’s love for us makes us good.” (no attribute)

If there’s one aspect of my faith that seems slow to take root, it’s understanding that God doesn’t love me for what I do. Why is this so hard to grasp? Well, because I love others based on what they do! For so long, I have evaluated others based on what they do, what they say, and how those two areas reconcile with what I value. …so of course, I think God must act similarly.

This year, I read The Catholic Table, by Emily Stimpson Chapman, centered around St. John Paul II’s, Theology of the Body. As I’ve ruminated on these truths, God has been implanting a better understanding of love and pleasure.

What we need to understand first is that the divine nature - God’s nature - is that of self-giving love. Love is self-gift. For an expansion of what self-giving love looks like reference 1 Corinthians 13: love is patient; kind; it is not jealous; it is not pompous nor inflated; is not rude; does not seek its own interests; is not quick-tempered; does not brood over injury; it does not rejoice over wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

This is the love with which God loves every one of us. Every. single. one. Even on our worst days.

Father Bede Jarrett describes it like this: God cannot cease to love me. That is the most startling fact that our doctrine reveals. Sinner or saint, He loves and cannot well help Himself. Magdalen in her sin; Magdalen in her sainthood - was loved by God. The difference between her position made some difference in the effect of that love on her; but the love was the same, since it was the Holy Spirit who is the love of the Father and the Son. Whatever I do, I am loved. But if I sin - am I unworthy of love? Yes, but I have always been unworthy of God’s love. If God loves me for what I am (or do), then I would compel His love - force His will by something external to Himself. In fact, if I really came to consider, I would find that I was not loved by God because I was good — but that I am good because God loves me. My improvement does not cause God to love me - but is the effect of God’s loving me.

Love blankets us all. Love holds us into being. Love has provided us a world graced with beauty, wonder and mystery. Where human prayers direct the course of history; the world is a graced home made by God for man which helps man find his way to Heaven. As Stimpson Chapman describes, the simplest peasant grasped these truths and lived by them: God was good and what He commanded was for our good.. …and then, beginning with William of Ockham and continuing through the Reformation and beyond - humans twisted the understanding of God’s law only being good because God commanded it. If God had commanded something different, then that other thing would be good instead.

That subtle shift is insidious: God no longer wants what is best for us - but what is best for Him. It’s just a power grab. “Obey me because I’m God. Or else.” Fear replaced love… …and it’s pretty easy to grow resentful of someone you don’t believe has your best interest at heart.

…and that’s not a new move or tactic by the enemy of our souls. Can you see the similarity between the statements above and how the serpent tempted Eve and then Adam? “You will not surely die! God knows that when you eat of the fruit of the tree you will become like Him.” (Genesis 3) The lie, of course, being: God doesn’t want what’s best for you - only to keep all that knowledge and power to Himself.

I’ve battled the same temptation; wanting to take control over my life; not surrendering to His will; not believing that God can work something for good. …and I also spend time afraid. As 1 John instructs - the one who fears has not been made perfect in love.

When we catch ourselves in moments of doubt or fear or sin, our first instinct resembles the same of Adam & Eve - to hide. We don’t tend to immediately seek God for help with our doubt. We let those insidious twists live in our minds and in our hearts…not realizing the devastating effects when they take root. If we hide, our actions have just led us to separate from God - and that’s what sin is. Sin is disordered thinking and/or actions with the outcome of separation between ourselves, God, and/or our neighbor.

Thanks be to God that He has delivered us from the power of sin & death through Jesus’s death on the Cross. Thanks be to God that when we confess our sins, He is faithful and merciful to forgive. Thanks be to God that we have a faithful and merciful High Priest who knows our weaknesses because He bore our flesh.

There it is - the love of God. …even when we turn away, He pursues. His love remains. “When we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5)

Ok…but back to the heart of Jessica who wants to earn your love: what about that? So, you love us while we’re sinners…how do you feel about us when we’re not?

Now, here’s one thing I love about the Catholic Church - but also had a hard time with, too….every Sunday, we confess that we’re sinners. But this Protestant-convert says, “but what about grace?” Great question, Jessica. Yes, you are a sinner saved by grace…and that grace enlivens you to live by the Spirit of God…and you’ll still mess up. You’re working out your salvation in this life. Each day is the chance to live by the Spirit of God. …and you’ll get better at listening and obeying… and also, you’ll still slip. That’s the beauty of the Sacrament of Reconciliation! …and also, that’s the beauty of the confession that we’re sinners - it helps remind me to be humble and rely upon the grace to live by the Spirit of God - and not start thinking that my actions are now earning me God’s love.

I’ve often wondered if having children would help me understand the self-giving love God has for me. As I said earlier, I’m very much the person who equates actions and words with character. If you have reliable character, I trust you. If I trust you, I have love for you. I seek to live a life of integrity - whole-heartedness, trustworthiness - and believe that makes me worthy of love, trust, and responsibility. …and I struggle when I “do everything right” and the love isn’t forthcoming or struggles ensue. Chaos. Confusion.

We are told that love isn’t a feeling; it’s action. It’s choice. It’s consciously choosing the good for another over yourself. …and I have a hard time with not associating be-grudgery with that last one. Like, “You better appreciate what I’m holding back for you!” And also - “Hey God! I hope you see this! I hope you see how nice I’m being down here!”

…that’s because I’ve got it twisted. That doing the right thing or loving others over myself should ‘earn’ me something - not because it’s simply the best for all. If we think God’s commands are only good because he commanded them - and not that He commanded them for our good - then, we’re going to be seeking a reward. A lot. Especially if we’re millenials and younger. ;)

(Divergent thought: this is also causing me to think about how I view food, too. What foods have been given for my benefit? To enjoy? I have labeled food as right & wrong and good & bad for 30+years…)

God doesn’t love me for my right actions anymore than he hates me for my wrong ones. Love is blanketing me. Love is holding me in existence. Love is allowing me to freely choose and to experience the consequences of my choice, take responsibility, and learn from them.

…yet, God can find pleasure in our right actions. God can be pleased in the effect love has on my preference for choosing right and confessing wrong. Like a parent, there is pleasure in our growth toward Him, in our growing recognition of and love for His effect on our life and the world around us, and in our striving to bring His kingdom to earth.

If He can be pleased, He can be displeased, too. Displeasure for Jesus often displayed itself as sorrow more times than anger. He frequently lamented the hardness of the Pharisees’ hearts, the division, yet only once turned over the tables of the money-changers in the Temple, and only once cursed the fig tree. He bore our griefs and carried our sorrows - the ones we caused him (and the ones done to us).

In His lament, He corrects. He provides the path back to the pleasing presence of God - repentance. Turning from the wrong action and choosing good. Confessing our part and recognizing our need for God’s power to do good.

Malachi 3:1-4 describes the coming of the Lord with this question: Lord, who can stand in front of you? He is like the refiner’s fire or the fuller’s lye. He is PURE - and the method by which we become clean and pure. Washed whiter than snow; our impurities revealed and skimmed away.

Who can endure when none of us is clean? Only at the hands of a merciful, faithful high priest who sits at his work - carefully taking the time to remove the impurities. Full of care and patient to bear with us through a lifetime. This lifetime is a series of tests, trials, and temptations to aid us in identifying and removing the idols - the ideals - the disordered passions we possess, and righting them. Either by removing or reordering, God guides us to confession & reconciliation so that we can stand on the day of the Lord. This lifetime is a sanctifying path where we are working out our salvation in real time. And we are not meant to fail. God is WITH us. Alongside us. IN us.

How do we treat the poor? How do we treat our neighbor? How do we love our family? How do we accept correction? We are meant to learn and improve to get better, incrementally, becoming more Christlike as we go. Each time we say yes to God more of His image in us becomes visible.

The refiner of silver sits at his work, gently holding the silver to flame, skimming away the dross (impurities) until it reveals his image. God is the same. He will keep over the gentle flame until He sees Himself in me and you. Your faith is of greater worth than gold to Him. He will not leave his work. He will see the good work He began in you brought to completion.

Be blessed.