Spirit of Ruth

Today, I accepted an award that is incredibly meaningful to me, professionally and especially personally. The Spirit of Ruth award honors alumnae of Sigma Alpha who exemplify the four pillars of leadership, scholarship, service and fellowship in their professional and personal life as advocates for agriculture. My involvement in Sigma Alpha as an undergraduate prepared me for many of the roles I’ve held throughout my career. The friendship of like-spirited women has provided both motivation and comfort for me during the past 23 years.

However, the Spirit of Ruth is deeply personal, as it has been the spirit of Ruth who guided me as I navigated the unfamiliar world as widow.

Here is my speech:

The Spirit of Ruth has defined my “second act” as she taught me how to live after great loss – believing redemption and resurrection are possible; investing in others’ well being as a path to life; and walking by faith, hope and love.

I first met Ruth during my initiation into Sigma Alpha. In spite of growing up as regular church attender, I don’t recall EVER hearing about her or even flipping past the book bearing her name. Nope; it was during my initiation that I first heard her story…and I thought it was weird.  Kilion, Mahlon, Boaz, kinsman-redeemer? What did this have to do with us?

Oh, young Padawan. More than you even know!

As I’ve reflected on her life and my story, our stories of redemption are our “second acts,” if you will. Ruth – and I – lived a life before we were widows. Our first act – the lessons learned and foundations established as a result – are what allowed us both to face our losses differently.

When we look at Ruth’s story, we know nothing of her first act – other than she was from Moab and married a Hebrew whose family had left the Promised Land during a famine: trading God’s promise for the here-and-now, save your own skin offer. And then he died – leaving her a childless widow; in those days, without a future or hope. Her mother-in-law, who lost her husband and 2 sons – essentially, all her wealth and security, truly faced the loss without hope. Naomi decided to return home defeated, ruined – utterly hopeless.

And Ruth chose to go with her – an act full of faith, hope, and love.

As someone who has walked in Ruth’s shoes, I recognize these actions. They spring from a bedrock of the three lasting virtues: faith, hope, and love. These virtues informed all her decisions and guided her actions – causing those around her to call her “a woman of worth” and recognize her value to her mother-in-law was worth more than 7 sons.

When asked what part of my story would be most valuable, my nephew, a junior at K-State, responded with, “What I really want to know, Aunt J, is…what is most valuable for my future? How do I decide where to invest my time in what is best for me? What really matters?”

There are two directions I can offer my advice: 1) the practical, temporal, earthly path OR the eternal. As an academic advisor, my advice tends to focus on the tangible, here-and-now, boots on the ground actions. The answer, though, isn’t choosing one path or the other. Integrity – wholeness – in your life entails BOTH. But, there is one that is primary, and today, I’m giving you the goods that really matter.

If I had been in this audience 20 years ago, I’d have had a similar question to Alex. And I’d also want to know this:

Will it work out? Will I be successful? Will I get married? Will my story be good?

Yes.                      Sure. By whose standards? Your own? Yes.

And the biggie? Yes.  …twice, actually.  But I don’t think young Jessica could’ve handled that.

And your story? It’s better than good, Jessica. It’s GOD. It’s a story of faith – hope – and love.

And you know how that was possible, Jessica? Because in your first act, you focused on what mattered.

Let’s start with faith, because the other 2 spring from it.

Whether you call yourself a person of faith or not – you are. We all trust in things outside of ourselves and we all adhere to a set of values/beliefs about how the world works and operates. This operational system informs our decisions and motivates our actions.

Your plan of action for this time in your life and the next few years is to discover it, define it, and put roots in it. It will be tested – and what I can tell you about the test is that it’s not meant for you to fail. Even if part – or all – of that foundation crumbles – that’s actually a good thing – because what existed wasn’t strong enough. It may have been sound for the moment – but not for eternity.

…and the goal is eternity. So let your foundation be built again – and tested – and strengthened – over and over again. If you do that, then when what you fear comes upon you: you will stand. You will survive – and thrive.

For my story, I ascribed to the belief that if God was good (which He is), my life would then be good – which for recently graduated Jessica meant being married. And here she was – single! So, I asked God why. …and because my faith was in circumstances and rewards for being “good” - it was shaken.  THEN I began to discover the eternal TRUTH of who God is and who I am in relationship to Him…and an unshakeable foundation was established, giving me the building blocks for HOPE.

What is hope?

Hope is defined as the expectation and desire for a certain outcome. Biblically, it indicates a trust and confidence – that both the outcome and the provider are reliable.

Hope is described in Hebrews as an anchor for the soul. For hope to be an ANCHOR, it must be weighty; firm. Who or what is holding your trust?

During my first act, these eternal truths acted as beacons of light in darkness, anchors to keep me steady, and roots to keep me growing – and going:

For the One who called you is faithful, and He will do it. (1 Thessalonians 5:24)

We know that all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)

As it is written: what eye has seen, or ear heard or heart perceived what God has prepared for those who love Him? (1 Corinthians 2:9)

For I know the plans I have for you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29)

I know that my Redeemer lives and in the end, He will stand upon the earth. (Job 19)

When Dan was first diagnosed with cancer, I rooted into these promises. Then he passed away a year later, and I realized that my hope had been in my circumstances. Hoping for a future, hoping for a purpose, hoping for a cure… Yet, when those weren’t delivered and all seemed dark – I wasn’t without hope. I began to realize that Hope is bigger; it’s a person. The One who made the promises that were lights in my path is eternal! When I began to shift my hope from circumstances to Jesus; it became firmer than before. These verses are now firm anchors, and now I understand the object of hope is bigger than me.

And now: the greatest of these, LOVE:

Without faith and hope, we can’t love. Trust is essential to loving others.

Thomas Merton said: The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise, we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.

The best year of my marriage to Dan was the year of Cancer. You wouldn’t think it right? Seems like that would have been the hardest – but it wasn’t.

The day we received his diagnosis and I sat crying in the doctor’s office – what I feared had come upon me – I looked at him and said, “Today, all things are new. No expectations. We begin again.”

I have a lot of expectations. I…can’t help it. It is so natural, and I find this Merton quote challenging. But in that moment, I let go of my expectations and stipulations for “a hope and a future,” resolving to accept with joy and gratitude the life I possess RIGHT NOW. Here my shift from this life to the eternal began. The shift in my perspective from earth to heaven – it’s opened my life to deeper love, purpose, and joy than when it was just on this life.

That’s the beauty of the second act for Ruth and me. We’ve passed through the valley of the shadow of death walking by faith, hope and love. Ruth’s foundation allowed her to focus on what matters: loving those in her life so that they might find hope again. She is present, fully giving herself to others, because she knows the value of this present life.

I’d love to tell young Jessica to stop worrying about the future so much. …yet, where would I be without her? I think she did a pretty good job of pursuing the eternal while taking advantage of the opportunities found only in TODAY.

Life isn’t either/or; it’s both/and. If you use your first act to keep the main thing, the main thing, the rest will come. Pursuing the eternal will expand your purpose in today.