Dan's Advice for living in unprecedented times

Dan had this saying, “Act like you’ve been here before.”

Naturally, I hated it - because it was always uttered to his judging kids - or nephews - or anyone - about the time they were going to “get their name called” (another Dan phrase) - recognized for an achievement such as placing in a contest, winning a class, or a show. He was all for being proud of your accomplishments, yes - but not one for “looking like a newb.” (That’s pronounced “noob” which stands for newbie, i.e. someone new to the scene. For all you newbs to the newb.)

So, his students were reminded to “Act like you’ve been here before,” when it was time to walk up front, shake hands and receive recognition. They could be excited in the car - they could brag about it on social media - but if winning a contest wasn’t a time to “whoop” it up - neither was placing tenth. Clap politely; receive; be humble; don’t act a fool.

Those who’ve known me for any length of time - but especially in middle school - know that’s not my standard operating procedure. Getting the volleyball over the net while serving? Time for a tiny happy dance. (This looks like putting your index fingers in the air with arms raised while shaking your hips, in case you want to picture/replicate.) I am a CELEBRATOR. For goodness’ sake, I was voted “Most Enthusiastic” THREE TIMES for two different sports while in high school. Clapping politely and sitting down? No sir. Not for my people.

Last week, though, while I was having my morning holy hour (which sometimes is less than an hour you guys - especially during this weirdo time) - God brought to mind Dan’s saying: Act like you’ve been here before.

What?

Why?

How does that saying relate to a man born blind receiving sight? He hadn’t been there before.

I sensed it was more for this time - this “unprecedented age” we find ourselves in. But…what? Why? I haven’t been here before and neither has anyone else.

Act like you’ve been here before.

For me, I sensed that God wants me to think about this related to how I work and how I interact with my students. They don’t need me to recede into myself. They don’t need me to disappear. They don’t need me to come up with a thousand new ways of doing things. They also don’t need me to KNOW ALL THE THINGS - which sometimes I think they do, and that is my greatest source of insecurity as an advisor or teacher when I feel like I’m letting them down because I’m not ‘all the things’ for them…. However, they do need ME.

They need me to be present. They need me to be available. They need me to help remind them that even though there are a lot of things “out there” we can’t control - there are still things “right here” that we can - and that, I believe, we MUST continue doing. They need me to remind them that their instructors are also finding themselves in uncharted territory, and to model what grace under circumstances you didn’t ask for - looks like.

Because, I have been there before.

I have lived through life events that I didn’t see coming. I have lived through pronouncements from other people that drastically changed the way I lived on a daily basis. I have had the securities I’ve clung to crumble. I’ve had the relationships I relied upon to provide purpose and meaning - and something to do on a Saturday night…end with the unplugging of a ventilator.

I know grief.

…and I know how to discover deeper joy, peace and love because of that grief. I know how to mourn. I know how to dance. …and that is the greatest gift that I can offer my students and the people I love right now. I can offer them me. …and, God-willing, I can offer them the gift of God - real peace. real assurance. reality in the midst of uncertainty.

While I have said what I wish most during that first year of grief is that someone would have said: Jessica, you can take off the Fall semester. Take some time to not work right now. Nobody did. I didn’t come into a huge life insurance settlement - so, I had bills to pay and…work to do. Working was both good…and not so good.

In those first couple of years - especially the first year, I embraced Dan’s attitude of work. AND MAN, DID DAN LOVE TO WORK! He loved to work so much that there just weren’t enough hours in the day to work. He would’ve stayed at the office till 9pm, I think. I mean, on some nights he did when there was judging practice. And did he stay home later the next morning to balance things out? OH NO! He was right back in there at 8am - ready to get back at it. He would perfect powerpoints at night the day before his lectures, and I would wonder, “DUDE. WHAT are you doing during the day? How is there not enough time for you to do your work during the work day?”

There were just so many things he had to do. If he saw a need, he filled. No farms at Arizona? No problem. I’ll draw up the plans to have one. Who will oversee it? Me, I guess. What will I give up? Nothing, obviously - this is important work and what I was hired to do is important work - and nobody else is stepping up, so…. ME.

Like, I love that about him. I prayed for a husband with ambitions and dreams and goals - that I could help him achieve. …it wasn’t really until his diagnosis, though, that he allowed me to help him. He poured himself out in the desert…and finally, let me start pouring my gifts into his work, here. We were both blessed in that. What would I do differently in those moments in the desert? I wish I would have poured more recognition and encouragement into his cup and a little less, “You don’t have to do it all, you know.” But, you know what I wanted? Just him. I would’ve come to work with him on Saturdays, if he would’ve let me. I would’ve helped him carry the workload so that I could have more of him - in the work or in the rest.

My approach in the last two work weeks has been to “carry on” as normal, as much as I can. I keep advising hours. I figured out how to do “drop in” hours on Zoom. I came up with an idea for our students whose research projects fell through with an opportunity to at least present on the process, even if there are no results yet. I am implementing a new procedure for students to practice for their mock interviews. (I know we were told not to do new things - but you know what? I was made for such a time as this and so were my gifts.)

I was made for such a time as this. and so were my gifts.

Let that sink in my friends.

God also brought to light 3 connecting passages from the last 3 Sundays that relate to this concept of act like you’ve been here before / the importance of work.

John 11 (this Sunday’s Gospel):

Are there not 12 hours in a day?

If one walks during the day, he does not stumble,

because he sees by the light of this world.

But if one walks at night, he stumbles because the light is not in him.

John 9 (last Sunday’s Gospel):

We have to do the works of the One who sent me while it is day.

Night is coming when no one can work.

While I am in the world, I am the Light of the World.

John 4 (2 Sundays’ ago)

My food (work) is to do the will of the One who sent me and to finish his work.

Do you not say, “In 4 months, the harvest will be here?”

I tell you, Look up and see the fields ripe for the harvest!

The reaper is already receiving payment and gathering for eternal life,

so that the sower and the reaper can rejoice together.

For here, the saying is verified, “One sows and another reaps.”

I sent you to reap what you have not worked for;

others have done the work, and you are sharing the fruits of their work.

When I realized the shortness of Dan’s life, his drive to work - to DO ALL THE THINGS - it made sense to me. He knew this truth more than many of us: We have to do the works of the One who sent us while it is day. Night is coming when no one can work.

We have been made for such a time as this. and so have your gifts.

I am not advocating for you to “do all the things.” I do believe that we should care for ourselves. In fact, yesterday, after 6 hours of advising over Zoom via appointments, drop ins, and answering emails (first day of priority registration. Advising friends get it.) I was spent. I could not open an assignment file to grade. My brain was actually fried. So, I went out for an hour walk and then sat and drank wine on m front steps Zooming with my work-friends to just get in touch with our souls (which sounds way more existential than it was - we just talked about our real life and adjusting to our new work life and home life)…and then met 2 new neighbor kids who really wanted to talk to me.

[Yes, we observed social distancing. They kept riding their wheeled toys by my house - first a 4-wheel coupe, then scooter, then one of those hoverboard-balancey-things, then a bike with training wheels. Georgia, Grant, and Char-Char (who I thought told me her name was Tara and got upset when I asked, “Tara?” “NO!”) - new to the neighborhood and apparently really in need of an adult to listen to them. It was nice. Really nice. ….though, I think Grant is disappointed I don’t have kids. Sorry buddy. …and 2 indoor house cats is not really a good substitute. I get it.]

Act like I’ve been here before: (lesson from grieving Dan) recognize that I don’t need to do “all the things.” I need to do the essentials that ENGAGE ME and GIVE LIFE/HOPE to others.

I have been made for such a time as this and so have my gifts. My top 5 talent themes are Communication | Connectedness | Adaptability | Context | Ideation. I thrive adapting to others; I make meaning in the present by looking at the past; I share this with others; I come up with ideas about how to move forward. I look for excellence and growth in others. I respond. The normal way I used those was “ripped” away on March 11. …but, I was made for this. …and I’ve found joy in thinking of new ways to do things.

In fact, one of the things that happens every semester is that I get bored with the routine of my classes. NOT THIS YEAR! HOOOO BOY. Responding to this “unprecedented time” breathed new life back into my work and helped me really tap into my “why” and motivation for the work I do and why it brings me joy.

You have been made for such a time as this, and so have your gifts. Ask yourself: How can I use my talents to bring hope and life to others? How can I plug into God deeper, more honestly than I have before? How can I love my friends and family? How can I receive their love better?

Above all: hold onto this -

I will not leave you desolate; I will come to you.

These words I have spoken to you while I am still with you.

But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name,

He will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all I have said.

Peace I leave with you;

My peace I give to you -

not as the world gives do I give to you.

Let not your hearts be troubled,

neither let them be afraid.

~Jesus comforting/instructing his disciples the night before he would be arrested, tried, condemned and murdered.

John 14:18, 25, 27