May 29

May 29 Lessons from the Sacrament

Amen, amen, I say to you: you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices; you will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. ~John 16:20

Today is our 14th wedding anniversary, and 9 without Dan. The verse above was the closing of today’s Gospel. Jesus was trying to teach his disciples about his death and resurrection, so that they could find hope in the darkness soon descending…but, they didn’t understand. How could they? They’d never experienced something - someone - like this; what was coming did not - could not - logically fit into their knowledge.

Only until it happened…and they discovered the tomb empty…and they encountered Jesus present to them, though being in a locked room: did they even begin to comprehend.

This seems pretty appropriate for our marriage. The Sacrament of Marriage prepares us for heaven. For those who aren’t familiar with the term - a sacrament is a sacred action that symbolizes a deeper spiritual reality, where the visible sign makes known the spiritual reality. Through mundane and extraordinary ways, we learn to give ourselves to each other - in trust, in hope, in faith, and in charity. We learn to heal hurts, to bind wounds, to forgive, and to try and try again. We give through hurts and disappointments, rooted in hope for healing and better days.

The Sacrament reveals Jesus to us in new ways. Through giving and receiving, vulnerability and passion, listening and opening, pressing on & pressing through and resting - we grow together. Learning to see and value the other, we grow toward God. …it’s all intertwined and it’s all connected…and it’s all graced. None of it gives life without the Spirt of God gracing the moments. The Sacrament provides the grace necessary to live the call to holiness.

…and so, as Sacrament, our marriage brings today’s Gospel exchange between Jesus and the disciples to light in a new way.

At our wedding homily, Father Jon spoke of sacrifice. I mean, what Christian wedding doesn’t? Blah-blah husband love your wife like Christ loved the church (sacrifice)…blah-blah. But, Father Jon also spoke of suffering, death, and shortness of days, sharing a recent story about a young couple in Missouri; days after their wedding, the husband physically laid down his life for his wife, by lying on top of her to save her. (I believe he died and she lived.)

I thought that was a bit…dark. And then Dan had selected our wedding song to be, “I’ll be here for you,” written by Robert Earl Keen and performed by the Randy Rogers Band - also a bit melancholy. …yet now, in the looking back, I see not only their meaning but their comforting truth. I am grateful for the HOPE they’ve provided.

Today, I recognize something else in that Ephesians passage (referenced so irreverently above) that I’ve missed all these years. It’s not ONLY about sacrifice - but also the great provision of gifts. Yes, Christ gave his life on the cross for to save us from sin and death. Through His death, He destroyed the enmity of sin - division, hatred, malice, anger, and death — all that separated us from God. Through His resurrection, He gave us HOPE - destroying our fear of death, establishing hope for eternal oneness with God who is LIFE, goodness, beauty, truth, love, light…

Through His ascension into heaven, He gave us confidence that all things are under His feet. He is sovereign over all. Through Him, we are more than conquerors.

Through His love for the Church (His Body), He gave us the Eucharist: a sacrifice of thanksgiving through his actual Body & Blood, ensuring His divine presence in us, with us, and through us - to the end of the age.

Through His love for the Church, He sent us the Holy Spirit - the third person of the Trinity - the eternal love that exists through the love between the Father and the Son - to lead us and guide us into all Truth, to convict us of sin, righteousness, and condemnation - to empower us to do the works Jesus did - to live and dwell within us - to act as a deposit of faith preparing us for our eternal home with the Lord. (and so much more)

Through His love for the Church, He gave us shepherds to lead us and guide us on the earthly pilgrimage to heaven, notably through the apostolate of Peter (the unbroken line of the popes).

Through His love for the Church, he gave us His mother, Mary. He gave us a Mother to teach us, guide us and intercede for us.

Through the Church’s love for Him, we have generations of saints interceding for us and guiding us Home.

I didn’t know that fourteen years ago.

I knew that I loved Dan and loved God as much as I could - and I was on the brink of all God had for me. …and it didn’t involve suffering, death, or shortness of days.

Like the disciples, I couldn’t comprehend how that made any sense. It didn’t fit into my understanding of God’s goodness. How could GOD be in suffering or pain or disease? How could GOD be in disappointment or dreams deferred? How could GOD be in death? (and how could I live without Dan?)

…and that is the mystery of the Cross. By the Cross, Jesus, the begotten and beloved Son of God, the second person of the Trinity - suffered excruciating pain, humiliation, disappointment, rejection, and ultimately, death. He entered into the worst of human realities so that when we experience those moments, we are not alone. Jesus Christ is present to us in suffering, pain, disease, disappointment, and death.

…and this, I learned through the Sacrament of Marriage. …and this delivered me from my fear of death and brought me into a truer understanding and more personal relationship with Jesus Christ…which, after all, is the purpose of the sacrament.

While I lived grief, I also now live joy! (and not because I’ve remarried - but because I know Jesus Christ crucified and resurrected!) Because through my husband’s death and resurrection, Jesus has been revealed to me - and I have come to know Him through this encounter of love, present to me in all life’s circumstances.

Though I didn’t know the pain I’d walk through by walking down that aisle fourteen years ago, I would do it again. I realize now how little I knew of love - and how little I knew Jesus - that day fourteen years ago. To know and love Dan; to know and love Jesus Christ; to know and love His Church; to know and love Nigel; it wouldn’t be possible without experiencing the graces of the Sacrament of Marriage…only made possible by our yes to this wild journey fourteen years ago today.