If you want to woo a widow,
you need to get to know her where she’s at -
not assume she needs to be where you are.
You have to learn to reach her where she is -
which means you must accept where she is -
and to accept, you must acknowledge.
You may not know what to say.
You may want to brush by it.
If you want to woo her,
you cannot.
You must not.
If you want her to trust you,
you must acknowledge her loss.
You need to enter into her pain.
You can’t take it away, but
you can ease it, by sharing it.
You share it,
when you try to understand it.
You must realize she is not a single lady.
She is a widow.
She isn’t in this stage by choice -
but she is full of life and willing herself forward.
She has a past - with a person -
and you need to get comfortable
with his name in her mouth, his love in her heart,
their life as one of higher importance than her own when she was once single.
I wrote this in September 2017 when suddenly, out of the woodwork, boys were emerging in my life. For so much of my life, I felt invisible to men around me - and suddenly, in Ireland and after Ireland - I had a line of them. Okay, that’s stretching it. A lot.
One contender looked good on paper. We shared similar backgrounds. Similar ages. People in common. …and, yet…he couldn’t woo this widow because he was only making conversation - not trying to know me. Not once in our conversations was there a “I’m sorry for you loss,” and as much as I wave those comments off - if you want to WOO me - that’s part of the process. To acknowledge is to pursue the path of knowing.
One contender looked impossible on paper. I mean, he lived across the Atlantic, for God’s sake. …yet from the very beginning, he acknowledged my loss. He always has made room for Dan in our life. He has never been threatened that Dan existed before him; that Dan was first. From the beginning, he has affirmed my value, my existence, my right to be just where I am.
…and that is how you woo a widow.
…and that is just one of reasons why agreeing to marry him was the easiest, most logical yes I’ve given.
